September 25, 2009 Night time.
Typhoon Ondoy came.
Before going to bed, I said to myself, "If the rain continues until tomorrow, classes will be suspended." Not that I had classes that day. But we were supposed to go to Diamond Hotel.
September 26, '09 Early morning.
It was still raining. I knew, even without checking my phone and FB that classes were suspended already. I continued to drool on my pillow until late morning. When I woke up, the rain was still pouring. But I didn't pay much attention to it. I went to my usual ritual. I ate. Took a moment of deep reflection. (Yup, I do that every morning. But usually it just means I simply close my eyes and take a deep breath and tell God "please let me survive this day".) Then I ate some more and took another moment. (just to make sure that God heard me the first time.) After that I turned on the computer to check if we were still bound to go to Diamond Hotel that day.
Flood came by late afternoon. But, still, I was not moved. I simply thought of it as inevitable given the fact that it was raining non-stop since the previous night.
Night time
The rain finally stopped. I was glad it finally did. The rain already ruined my Saturday. I didn't want it to ruin my Sunday, which is my favorite day as of this semester.This time I thought of tuning in on the t.v., only because the internet connection was down. And then there it was...
Wow. I could not believe that what seemed to be a mere nuisance for me could wreak so much havoc. By this time, I was ashamed of myself. I sat at home complaining about the rain because it kept me from going out, while others were actually fighting for their dear life.
It became official. I am selfish.
And now what?
Well, I'm trying my best not to be. I'm trying to do what others are doing right now. I'm playing the role of the charitable soul. But it doesn't feel right. Not that I'm not comfortable doing good deeds. But it scares me that I had to witness such a disaster just for me to realize something. I mean I started caring now because of the disaster. But where was I before all these? (Oh wait I know the answer to this one! I was at my room, sitting at my desk, struggling to be somebody.)
And it doesn't help that FB right now is filled with all these HELP NOW messages. It seems like everyone naturally has a good heart up their sleeves. It seems like they are not having a hard time extending a hand to those who are in need. And God bless them. That, after all, is the natural thing to do. But for the twisted version of me, extending a hand isn't as simple as that. I feel actually ashamed for extending my hand just now. It's as if while I try to do my part somebody's chanting at the background saying, "Oh bakit ngayon lang?".
I'm over thinking this. And I'm making this about myself and I shouldn't! Selfish. Hay Sarita. Just start packing stuff to give away. Maybe I really am selfish. But at least I admit it and I'm trying to fight it.
Typhoon Ondoy came.
Before going to bed, I said to myself, "If the rain continues until tomorrow, classes will be suspended." Not that I had classes that day. But we were supposed to go to Diamond Hotel.
September 26, '09 Early morning.
It was still raining. I knew, even without checking my phone and FB that classes were suspended already. I continued to drool on my pillow until late morning. When I woke up, the rain was still pouring. But I didn't pay much attention to it. I went to my usual ritual. I ate. Took a moment of deep reflection. (Yup, I do that every morning. But usually it just means I simply close my eyes and take a deep breath and tell God "please let me survive this day".) Then I ate some more and took another moment. (just to make sure that God heard me the first time.) After that I turned on the computer to check if we were still bound to go to Diamond Hotel that day.
Flood came by late afternoon. But, still, I was not moved. I simply thought of it as inevitable given the fact that it was raining non-stop since the previous night.
Night time
The rain finally stopped. I was glad it finally did. The rain already ruined my Saturday. I didn't want it to ruin my Sunday, which is my favorite day as of this semester.This time I thought of tuning in on the t.v., only because the internet connection was down. And then there it was...
Wow. I could not believe that what seemed to be a mere nuisance for me could wreak so much havoc. By this time, I was ashamed of myself. I sat at home complaining about the rain because it kept me from going out, while others were actually fighting for their dear life.
It became official. I am selfish.
And now what?
Well, I'm trying my best not to be. I'm trying to do what others are doing right now. I'm playing the role of the charitable soul. But it doesn't feel right. Not that I'm not comfortable doing good deeds. But it scares me that I had to witness such a disaster just for me to realize something. I mean I started caring now because of the disaster. But where was I before all these? (Oh wait I know the answer to this one! I was at my room, sitting at my desk, struggling to be somebody.)
And it doesn't help that FB right now is filled with all these HELP NOW messages. It seems like everyone naturally has a good heart up their sleeves. It seems like they are not having a hard time extending a hand to those who are in need. And God bless them. That, after all, is the natural thing to do. But for the twisted version of me, extending a hand isn't as simple as that. I feel actually ashamed for extending my hand just now. It's as if while I try to do my part somebody's chanting at the background saying, "Oh bakit ngayon lang?".
I'm over thinking this. And I'm making this about myself and I shouldn't! Selfish. Hay Sarita. Just start packing stuff to give away. Maybe I really am selfish. But at least I admit it and I'm trying to fight it.
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