dear future kids

"There is so much hate coming out of your mouth. You truly are your mother's daughter."

I was trying to be poetic when I said this to someone while we were talking about our parents and we ended up laughing so hard. (sigh)

Parents can get really crazy. Maybe the craziness comes with old age.

If that's the case, then I hope that my own kids would have enough humor in them to simply laugh it all off. I hope they'll have enough sense in them to realize that despite Mommy's insanity, I am still the same person who loves them dearly, even if sometimes they are already tempted to beat the wits out of me.

To my future kids, I'd like all of you to know that, at some point in my life I was just as sane as you. And at some point, I also thought that my Mom was as seriously crazy as you think I am now. Love you future kids! mwah.

overthinking

Will I be brave enough to give it a shot?
Or would some other time be the best option for me.
But then again, is there really such a thing as a perfect time for things?
A part of me believes in that.
But then half of me says, I refuse to be dictated by time.

So what now?

I guess, I'll just let time decide for me.
So much for refusing to be dictated by it...
Yabang kasi. =P

a middle child's nightmare

Mother: Sorsya, kakain na. (then she suddenly remembers that I went out the previous night) Paskong pasko alis ka ng alis ah.
Sorsya: 'Di naman sinabi na Christmas time magkulong sa bahay.
Mother: Ah hindi gusto ko, lagi kita nakikita.

______

THIS IS BAD. Since when did the middle child become the favorite? And when I say 'the favorite', I don't mean that as a good thing.

I was happy being the middle child. I was used to it. What did I ever do to deserve too much attention now? argh.

electric/eccentric

If I were to pick a song that would perfectly fit me, this would be it:


___________
P.S.
This serves as a WARNING that I am not what I seem to be.=P

the ugly truth

"It's funny...when you date someone, you're taking one long course on who that person is, and when you break up, all of that stuff is useless. It's the emotional equivalent of an English degree."

what sweet cheeks told to me tonight

"Check him out-- even if he's a Maybe; even if you know he's not really The One, but you feel he has a chance of being The One. Coz the right ones-- even those who have the remotest possibility of being The One-- they don't come by too often, if they ever do come at all."

_____
and again, the answer came from Ally Mcbeal! =) I love you Ally... and sweet cheeks! Glad you're back for the holidays! mwah!

distraction

Is drunk texting possible? ows? =P

another fiction

a tryst

She was left wondering what was going on inside his head. But then in the end she realized it doesn't matter, whatever it is he was thinking about, because she knew where they stand. She knew how it would turn out. She could have said a thing or two about the past. But then she saw no point. The past is where it is supposed to be. And they are both where they are supposed to be.

i found pooh.

Finn Hudson is a Pooh! Now, if only I can find a real life Pooh-like person.

never ending story

No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.

__________
But then it's possible for a man to unwittingly commit exactly the same mistake.

pooh and friends

It amazes me how the Winnie the Pooh series is filled with philosophical undertones. One would think the series is all about stupid stuffed animals who somehow always to get into trouble but then if you'd actually try to get past those silly things you'd discover a variety of philosophical schools of thought.

Sometimes when I want to puzzle over other people's behavior I tend to identify them with the characters of the series. And you know what whenever I try to do this weird exercise of mine I rarely find a Pooh.

I think Poohs make great company and it's a shame that they are so few. They are the people who are so easy to be with because of the simplicity of their minds, as opposed to Rabbits that tend to really get on my nerves. You see, I hate Rabbits. I can never be with Rabbits. They think they know everything about anything. Usually, they are the ones who cannot seem to shut up. They always have something to say but then what they say really doesn't matter most of the time. On the other hand, I can stand Piglets. I cannot be around them 24/7 but they can be good company most of the time. Not as good as Poohs but they will do if there's no Pooh around. I think Piglets are harmless creatures. They often know their limitations and they would never really try to push the envelope. I think if you want to be on the safe side of things you can always rely on a Piglet to find that side. Then you have the Eeyores. These are the nega creatures. But you know what I prefer being with them than being with a Rabbit. And they are really not that bad. Once you 've cheered them up from their current down state, they're good to go. But I think there is only a certain level of 'Eeyoreness' that each of us can tolerate. Anything beyond that may actually be bad for us. And then there's Tigger. This kind is special to me. You see, I have this tendency to be attracted to Tiggers. It's so fun watching them bounce around thinking that they can do everything. And I always find myself wishing that I'd be able to do that too. I often want to be with a Tigger but the problem is I can't really handle the continuous bouncing around. I think too much bouncing around is stupid and a waste of time.

So there. And what's the point of all of these? Nothing actually. I've just shown you a piece of the inner workings of my mind. =P
________________

I was free writing here. So excuse my english. And I just realized how therapeutic free writing can be.=) let's do this again sarita!=)

TO: MR. LV

BERKELEY

Dear Monsieur Louis Vuitton,

I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for making this designer bag especially for me. When I first saw this, I immediately thought "This is so me." Well, at least that's what I have convinced myself to think. But I would like to inform you that I would still not be able to get this from you in the next few months (hopefully, at most!). You see, I'm still trying to be somebody and I do not think that at this time I would be able to carry this bag around with the confidence and swagger that it deserves. I think that if I were to carry this bag right now, I would be like a little girl carrying my mother's purse. And that would be such a waste for such a work of art.

I want to get this bag from you when I think I already deserve it. And I think, considering your classic and exquisite taste, that you would have to completely agree with me on this. You can't let me carry this bag around right now. It would do no good for the both of us.

Again, thank you! You are such a thoughtful person for making this bag just for me! To think we haven't even met yet!

Mille bisous,

Sarita Gaga

overnight. over time.

Some things are simply not meant to happen overnight. tsk.

i'm officially a gleek.

what dreams may come.

I'm still dreaming about babies. I think the dream has been going on for over a month now. And every time I dream about it it's always the same. I always find myself taking care of someone else's baby.

Does this mean that a part of me is yearning for that kind of responsibility already?

One of my friends says that it's possible that I may be simply yearning for the feeling of taking care of someone. Another told me that babies signify a change. But whatever it meant I wish I could figure it out already. I mean sure babies are cute. But having them in your dreams almost all the time under the same circumstances freaks me out a little. I mean, is my head telling me it's time for me to have a baby??? Yikes. Sorry my brain, not possible any time soon.

But then this little stress is nothing compared to what's ahead of me... I don't think it could even qualify as a source of stress. But stressful or not, it freaks me out.. just a little. :P
_______________
The message in recurring dreams may be so important and/or powerful that it refuses to go away. The frequent repetition of such dreams forces you to pay attention and confront the dream. It is desperately trying to tell you something.

walls are there for a purpose.

"A lot of people would talk about the horrors in other people's lives as if they were genuinely concerned to help them, but the truth was that they took pleasure in the suffering of others, because that made them believe that they were happy and their life had been generous with them.

She wasn't going to give this man an opportunity to take advantage of her state, in order to mask his own frustrations."

Veronika Decides to Die
by Paulo Coelho

wanna know a secret?

The air is so different now. I don't know how to describe it in precise terms but there is just this feeling within me every time I get a whiff of the air these days. It's as if it's filling your insides with something.

It's like the air is carrying a secret promise, and as the days pass by it can no longer keep it to itself. Thus, it finds a way to whisper it. And once its soft whisper reaches our hearts, we cannot help but respond to the untold promise of something that would lift us up from where we are. We close our eyes for a moment, and inhaling deeply, we smile to ourselves as we feel our insides being filled with this secret. And although we are not quite sure what the secret is all about, we are willing to make room for this unknown puzzle as we believe that this certain piece would somehow fill that void within you, even just for a while.

But the weird part in all of this is come Christmas time, the void actually becomes more distinct. It's as if that emptiness within you managed to grow by itself without you knowing it. And you know why it feels bigger than it actually is? It's the air! It has managed to cover that hole within us by making us feel all warm and fuzzy inside until that perfect time when we have our guards down. And at that point it uncovers that void once again to release its full force upon us. And you already know what happens next...

So, you see, the air is actually deceiving us.=P Don't let it get you!

funny people

People are funny when they try to be nosy.

I heard this rumor from my friend that someone was insisting that I was actually in a relationship with one of my friends. And this person was actually insisting that I was simply keeping the relationship under the radar (showbiz?).

When I heard this rumor I could not stop myself from laughing out loud. I really find it so amusing that someone would think that me and my friend would actually be more than just friends. I wonder what she saw in us to make her think of that...I don't think I ever did anything out of the ordinary that would make anyone think that I'm actually with my friend.

Sure, in some instances, I might have used this friend of mine to get rid of a certain nuisance. A nuisance that I have longed to punch in the face just to shake him off from his delusions! I mean, Boy, makiramdam ka naman! Anyway, that nuisance is another story. A story that I do not intend to waste my precious time on.

Back to my friend. Yes, he's simply just that. A friend. I could never like someone who has more side comments than myself. He's too talkative for my taste. I remember one time in a class, I was sitting beside him and before the class started he was already talking non-stop. When I realized that he would not shut up any time soon, I suddenly stood up and told him, "Sa unahan ako. wala ako marinig dito." He's a good friend. but he's really not the type whom I can stand to be with for long periods of time. I'd be simply be exhausted just trying to keep up with the endless chatter.

But that's not really the funny part. The person who kept on insisting that I am with my friend clearly does not know me very well. I don't think that I could simply keep mum if ever I was actually in a relationship right now. I don't think I would be able to keep myself from shutting up about that kind of thing. I don't think something like that is meant to be kept. Why hide something as special as that, right? But then, maybe that's just the romantic bone in me.

Now, amusement is over. Back to my books, now!

i want my very own nothing box.

pilosopiya ni sarita sorsya # 3

We are, by nature, selfish creatures.
I guess it basically stems from our instinct of self-preservation.
Why else is selfless love is so rare?

let's talk about beauty

"Beauty is common.

Sure, it's work to maintain, but so what if you're beautiful? There are so many beautiful people in the world. Look around. Big deal! Beauty is an accident--so you got lucky in the gene pool--but what have YOU made of yourself. That's what I'm interested in.

So for me when I meet someone that is attractive, it does nothing for me. And in fact I often wonder if they've gotten lazy cultivating the other parts of their personality, the ones that don't fade. What I usually like to ask them is: what are three things about you that a man would find attractive, and none of them can be about your looks."-- STYLE & MYSTERY

the world's best pick up artist

He really exists! And pick up artists really exist! I can't believe it. I thought it was all fiction.I thought he only made it look like it was based on a true story. Now, the book just got more interesting. I want to finish it already but nerd duties are standing on my way. sigh.



If he is the world's best pick up artist then it just goes to show that it really all boils down to one's personality. Well, he actually made a deliberate effort so that his personality would allow him to get women, which actually involved a lot of practice and a lot of scripted routines.

Isn't that kind of deceiving?

Well, Dr. Phil doesn't think so. He says it's just like how women had to learn how to attract men using their charms. Like them, men had to figure out the best way to approach women without scaring them off. He says it's just the same. I say, err.. maybe. I don't really care. All I know is I want to finish the book already. But Azucena is still waiting for me. Jusko! =P

reality hits

September 25, 2009 Night time.
Typhoon Ondoy came.

Before going to bed, I said to myself, "If the rain continues until tomorrow, classes will be suspended." Not that I had classes that day. But we were supposed to go to Diamond Hotel.

September 26, '09 Early morning.
It was still raining. I knew, even without checking my phone and FB that classes were suspended already. I continued to drool on my pillow until late morning. When I woke up, the rain was still pouring. But I didn't pay much attention to it. I went to my usual ritual. I ate. Took a moment of deep reflection. (Yup, I do that every morning. But usually it just means I simply close my eyes and take a deep breath and tell God "please let me survive this day".) Then I ate some more and took another moment. (just to make sure that God heard me the first time.) After that I turned on the computer to check if we were still bound to go to Diamond Hotel that day.

Flood came by late afternoon. But, still, I was not moved. I simply thought of it as inevitable given the fact that it was raining non-stop since the previous night.

Night time
The rain finally stopped. I was glad it finally did. The rain already ruined my Saturday. I didn't want it to ruin my Sunday, which is my favorite day as of this semester.This time I thought of tuning in on the t.v., only because the internet connection was down. And then there it was...

Wow. I could not believe that what seemed to be a mere nuisance for me could wreak so much havoc. By this time, I was ashamed of myself. I sat at home complaining about the rain because it kept me from going out, while others were actually fighting for their dear life.

It became official. I am selfish.

And now what?
Well, I'm trying my best not to be. I'm trying to do what others are doing right now. I'm playing the role of the charitable soul. But it doesn't feel right. Not that I'm not comfortable doing good deeds. But it scares me that I had to witness such a disaster just for me to realize something. I mean I started caring now because of the disaster. But where was I before all these? (Oh wait I know the answer to this one! I was at my room, sitting at my desk, struggling to be somebody.)

And it doesn't help that FB right now is filled with all these HELP NOW messages. It seems like everyone naturally has a good heart up their sleeves. It seems like they are not having a hard time extending a hand to those who are in need. And God bless them. That, after all, is the natural thing to do. But for the twisted version of me, extending a hand isn't as simple as that. I feel actually ashamed for extending my hand just now. It's as if while I try to do my part somebody's chanting at the background saying, "Oh bakit ngayon lang?".

I'm over thinking this. And I'm making this about myself and I shouldn't! Selfish. Hay Sarita. Just start packing stuff to give away. Maybe I really am selfish. But at least I admit it and I'm trying to fight it.

étranger

Strangers are easy.
It's the people who know you that are hard to deceive.

I love strangers.

it's all in the quality

Dr. Jules Hilbert: Hell Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted.
Harold Crick: What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to eat nothing but pancakes, I want to live! I mean, who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that that answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led... and, of course, the quality of the pancakes.
(Stranger Than Fiction)

r-rated thought

I may look manang as one of my friends would say, which I vehemently object to by the way ,but this entry might shed some light on whether I really stand in the manang category.:P

Yesterday, in one of my classes, the topic was the about the provision of the law regarding the punishment that will be imposed if a person, who surprises his spouse in the act of sexual intercourse with another, kills or inflicts serious physical injuries upon either or both of the parties caught in the act.* The law says that instead of being imprisoned, he/she shall be sentenced to destierro.

Now, I don't have any problems with this provision of the law. Nor do I really care about it. It's actually how we discussed this topic that bothered me, particularly, the use of the term 'sexual intercourse'.

Errr.. this isn't really a very smart entry and I think some might think of me as silly for even thinking of this. But I'm going to write it anyway.

You see, I noticed that every time that we are to talk about the act of sexual intercouse in class we never refer to it as just 'sex' but we still make use of the term 'sexual intercourse' ,which is so much longer in terms of syllables. Why do we have to keep saying that the husband caught the wife in the act of sexual intercourse? Why not just say the husband caught the wife having sex?

And it's really not just for this one provision. Every time the topic of having sexual intercourse is being discussed in relation to a provision of the law, we rarely use the term 'sex' but instead we make use of the longer word. And the funny thing is while I'm taking down notes I usually have an internal debate with myself on whether I should write down 'sexual intercourse' or 'sex'. And I always end up writing sexual intercourse, even if it's so much longer to write.

Why are we so careful with these terms, anyway? It means the same thing but then the other term seems to sound more decent than the other, right? Maybe the term sexual intercourse sounds more academic than the term sex? Or maybe I'm just really weird and all these non-sense doesn't really matter to other people...

Yup, I think it's just me. So manang or not? But I think weird suits me better. =)

________________
REVISED PENAL CODE
Art. 247. Death or physical injuries inflicted under exceptional circumstances. — Any legally married person who having surprised his spouse in the act of committing sexual intercourse with another person, shall kill any of them or both of them in the act or immediately thereafter, or shall inflict upon them any serious physical injury, shall suffer the penalty of destierro.XXX

truth stings

I hate the fact that I can relate to Lucy's sadness. Well, hate is not really the correct term. It actually saddens me. How did I end to be like this? Oh well never mind. I'll get it right, one of these days. Someday. Soon. I have to!
__________
Lucy is character in a movie that I've just watched. I will not disclose the title of the movie as the disclosure of such information would completely give away exactly what I feel these days. Something that I intend to keep to myself for the reason that what I feel right now is nobody's concern but mine.=)

this might be true...

In his day, Oscar himself had made too many girls forget their better instincts and fine training by biting them with tender persistence at the base of their skull, just where the hairline grew in downy wisps. Girls were like kittens in this way, if you got them right at the nape of their neck, they went easily limp.

- Bel Canto by Ann Patchet

mais. panis.

Funny how someone who used to be so insignificant in your life could suddenly become the source of your own insecurity.
______
It could be you. It could be me. But then again it's really YOU. =P

... and I found the video clip of it.

___________
*and the movie is still in my head until now. good night world!=)

mr. joe f-o-x

What about you, is there someone else?

No. No, but... but there's the dream of someone else.

_______________

I just finished watching You've Got Mail again and I just can't stop myself from smiling.

This is my favorite part, well, aside from the final scene:

Joe Fox: You know, sometimes I wonder...
Kathleen Kelly: What?
Joe Fox: Well... if I hadn't been Fox Books and you hadn't been The Shop Around the Corner, and you and I had just, well... met...
Kathleen Kelly: I know.
Joe Fox: Yeah. I would have asked for your number, and I wouldn't have been able to wait twenty-four hours before calling you and saying, "Hey, how about... oh, how about some coffee or, you know, drinks or dinner or a movie... for as long as we both shall live?"
Kathleen Kelly: Joe...
Joe Fox: And you and I would have never been at war. And the only thing we'd fight about would be which video to rent on a Saturday night.
Kathleen Kelly: Well, who fights about that?
Joe Fox: Well, some people. Not us.
Kathleen Kelly: We would never.
Joe Fox: If only.

*Because of this movie alone, I'll be smiling for the rest of the week.=)

just say yes!

Sarita is a bit confusing for me right now.
She wanted something and, now, she has a slightly good chance of getting what she wants. Well, at least that's what she thinks. Maybe if she'll give it a few pushes she'll probably get it. But she's such a coward nowadays. Well, maybe she's reading into things too much. Maybe there's really not that much of a chance. But then, what really frustrates me is that she's not in the least bit motivated to give it a try. A bit of a nudge wouldn't really hurt ,right? But well I guess, right now, she's content with the monotony of her life and she doesn't really want to start something that she might not be ready for. OR maybe she has just really lost it. Boo!
Where is the girl that I love and hate at the same time? Where is the girl who'll do anything and everything just to get what she wants? Where is the girl who is ready to make a fool of herself just to fight for what she wants? What happened to the girl who is brave enough to face the world with the so few arsenals that she has up her sleeves? Sure, that girl was a little foolish for her own good but I miss her.
The girl I see right now is kind of robotic and unfeeling. Sure, she knows how to have fun. She knows her priorities and she knows where she stands. But then she seems to be so careful all the time. She keeps on thinking and rethinking things to the point that when she already made up her mind it's already too late for her to act. Sigh.
This girl makes me nuts. Chances have gone by and she's still clueless on what she really actually wants. It seems like whenever she gets to have a chance on something she suddenly has this urge of creeping back to her hole to pretend that she's taking her time to think. When in fact all she did was linger in the dark. I don't really know what she's doing there. Maybe she's waiting for someone to drag her out there by the ankle. I can't believe how much of a coward she had become.
But I have to say, I have to admire her for one thing. She really stood up for something despite the disaster that she had to go through. Though I know a part of her thinks that it's selfish of her to insist on what she wanted, I have to say that on that regard she really has come a long way. Some people might think of her as a timid girl who only squeaks every now and then. But I tell you, she's more than that. She has already been through hell and back. I know not everyone knows her story. She doesn't really talk about herself too much. But that's just really her nature. She'd rather hear the stories of other people. 'Coz really, what's the point in that? You already know who you are, why do you have to go around telling people who you are? Why not let them figure you out?
I just wish the a little part of the old Sarita would come back. Or maybe that part of her is still within her just waiting for the right time. But when will that happen?
Sarita. Sarita. You're too complicated, even for me. =P
___________________

Sarita after 10 mins. of thinking:

No, I have not turned into a coward. Maybe I'm just taking my time off. You know how last year was. It was the worst time for me and for you. I still can't believe how I managed to get out of it in one piece. I was pretty sure that I'd breakdown that time. But look at me now, I can still wear my goofy smile with my gums all out!
Patience my dear. That time will come, whatever that is you're complaining about. haha. And besides, you still have something BIG coming for you. Just think of that first and everything else will follow. ;)

confessions

Sarita: I wonder why it's so easy to be truthful to strangers...

Juanita: It's because no matter what they do with the truth, they could never hurt you.

sungit mode

I've had my share of rejection. It's only right that I share it to others.
The world is not fair. It never was.
Deal with it.

_____________
*a product of PMS and stress.

deus ex machina

de⋅us ex ma⋅chi⋅na 

 /ˈdeɪəs ɛks ˈmɑkənə, ˈdiəs ɛks ˈmækənə/ Show Spelled Pronunciat

–noun

1.	(in ancient Greek and Roman drama) a god introduced into a play to resolve the entanglements of the plot.

2.	any artificial or improbable device resolving the difficulties of a plot.

-it literally means "god from the machine"
-this is a plot device in which a person or thing appears "out of the blue" to help a character to overcome a seemingly insolvable difficulty.
-It refers to a sudden and unexpected resolution to a seemingly intractable problem in a plot-line. (source wikipedia.com)
----------------------

FOR SOME CRITICS:
They say that the use of this kind of plot device implies a lack of skill on the part of the author as it completely disregards the logical flow of the story and allows the author to direct the story to an unlikely conclusion in order for him to be able to deliver a palatable ending.
I SAY:
Isn't that how life really is?
We go on with this life thinking that we have all things figured out. We know what we want, we know what to do...everything makes sense, then suddenly *poof* and comes out the biggest surprise of our lives...

I used to like surprises. But right now... not so much.

pilosopiya ni sarita sorsya #2

We can never cheat life.
In one way or another it'll get us.
And I swear, once it gets you...
you'll never be the same again.

we're only human

"My 'Angry Mode': it comes and it goes...
though it is a mystery
why I act so out of control
as to let my emotions get the best of me.
I can't help it; can't deny it.
There is anger; won't try to hide it.
Got to burn it; set it on fire.
Ashes blowin' in the sky and I wonder why..."

law and i

"de minimis non curat lex"

... meaning the law does not concern itself with trifles.

and at this point in my life, ... I should not really concern myself with trivial matters. (sigh) I knew we were perfect for each other.

Now, to figure out if Jude can agree with me...haha :P

everyone googles

I Google you
late at night when I don't know what to do
I find photos
you've forgotten
you were in
put up by your friends

I Google you
when the day is done and everything is through
I read your journal
that you kept
that month in France
I've watched you dance

And I'm pleased your name is practically unique
it's only you and
a would-be PhD in Chesapeake
who writes papers on
the structure of the sun
I've read each one

I know that I
should let you fade
but there's that box
and there's your name
somehow it never makes the pain
grow less or fade or disappear
I think that I should save my soul and
I should crawl back in my hole
But it's too easy just to fold
and type your name again
I fear
I google you
Whenever I'm alone and feeling blue
And each scrap of information
That I gather
says you've found somebody new
And it really shouldn't matter
ought to blow up my computer
but instead….
I google you

*the lyrics is by Neil Gaiman. We all google.

an alien to this world.

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
-C.S Lewis

At some point in our lives we might convince ourselves that we are, indeed, meant for another world. Not because this world is too much for us but because this world isn't actually enough for us. As if we have grown bigger than this world and it can no longer contain us. But then after a few attempts of breaking free, of trying to find our way out, we then find ourselves resigned to the fate that this world has set for us. And our remaining days are spent trying to fit ourselves into the mold that was never our own making.

How ironic, as I am writing these words, a voice inside me is trying to contradict me, telling me that I got it all wrong.

Yes, I know, it's wrong to put the blame on the world. After all, we are simply victims of our own choices.

But then there are really just those moments when I am so convinced that I'm better off in another world. That this world isn't really enough for me, as if I've become bigger than this world. But then as I walk through its surface ,all proud and tall, convinced that I have actually become bigger than it is, I suddenly stumble onto something causing me to fall flat on my face. (Um! ilusyonada ka!) haha.

But you see, sometimes, it's just much easier to accept the fact that we are meant for another world than to try to understand that there are just some things that we'll never get hold of. =)

good night world!

pilosopiya ni sarita sorsya #1

I don't mind making a fool of myself if it would mean I would get what I want in the end.

Juan Antonio

Cristina: [Looking at a sculpture of Jesus] Are you very religious?
Juan Antonio: No, no, no, no, I'm not. The trick is to enjoy life, accepting it has no meaning whatsoever.
Cristina: No meaning? You don't think that authentic love gives life meaning?
Juan Antonio: Yes, but love is so transient. Isn't it? I was in love with a most incredible woman... and then in the end...
Vicky: Yes?
Juan Antonio: She put a knife into me.
Cristina: My God, that's terrible!
Vicky: Well, maybe you did something to deserve it.
_____________________

I really like Juan Antonio. I like the way that he sees life. Looking at life as devoid of meaning seems to be a callous thing. But then If we'd really think about it, it's actually the best way to deal with it.

Putting up labels and meanings to things inevitably makes us set some expectations, and very often, in life, things don't really turn out the way we want them to turn out. I think it's really best for us to approach life without any expectations. We should avoid giving it meanings that simply tend to complicate it further. Let's simply take it as it is. In that way we save ourselves from disappointments. And wouldn't our lives be so much easier if we expose ourselves to less frustrations. Why maybe we can actually be like Juan Antonio and end up having two lovers under one roof! haha:P

Aside from Juan Antonio's philosophy in life, I also have to admire him for being able to make his polygamous nature seem like an okay thing. In fact, he didn't only make it seem like an okay thing, he made it seem very romantic, in a twisted way. But still I cannot deny that every time he tries to woo any of the three women, you get the sense that he's very sincere about his feelings towards each of them. As if it's possible for him to love the three women all at the same time. He made it appear that it's okay to have them all. And instead of being repulsed by what he was doing I actually admire him for it. If I were a guy, I would like to be exactly like him! galeng nya eh! haha... Now, I really understand why God never made me a guy! haha

Catherine Earnshaw

This is the part where Catherine asks Nelly if she did the right thing in accepting Mr. Linton's proposal.

'There are many things to be considered before that question can be answered properly,' I said sententiously.
'First and foremost, do you love Mr. Edgar?'
'Who can help it? Of course I do,' she answered.
Then I put her through the following catechism: for a girl of twenty-two, it was not injudicious.
'Why do you love him Miss Cathy?'
'Nonsense, I do- that's sufficient.'
'By no means; you must say why?'
'Well, because he is handsome, and pleasant to be with.'
'Bad!' was my commentary.
'And because he is young and cheerful.'
'Bad, still.'
'And because he loves me.'
'Indifferent, coming there.'
'And he will be rich, and I shall like to be the greatest woman of the neighbourhood, and I shall be proud of having such a husband.'
'Worst of all. And now you say you love him?'
'As everybody loves- You're silly Nelly.'
'Not at all-Answer.'
'I love the ground under his feet, and the air over his head, and everything he touches, and every word he says. I love all his looks, and all his actions, and him entirely and altogether. There now!'
'And why?'
'Nay, you are making a jest of it: it is exceedingly ill-natured! It's no jest to me!' said the young lady, scowling and turning her face to the fire.
'I'm very far from jesting Miss Catherine,' I replied.
'You love Mr. Edgar, because he is handsome, and young, and cheerful, and rich, and loves you. The last, however, goes for nothing: you would love him without that, probably; and with it you wouldn't, unless he possessed the former attractions.'
'No to be sure not: I should only pity him- hate him, perhaps, if he were ugly, and a clown.'
'But there are several other handsome, rich young men in the world: handsomer, possibly, and richer than he is. What should hinder you from loving them?'
'If there be any, they are out of my way: I've seen none like Edgar.'
'You may see some: and he won't always be handsome, and young, and may not always be rich.'
'He is now; and I have only to do with the present. I wish you would speak rationally.'
'Well that settles it: if you have only to do with the present, marry Mr. Linton.'

i have a right to become a fan

The 1st New Moon trailer is out already!

And yes, I’m a fan of the Twilight Saga and (of course) of Edward, so what? :P

shoe talks

One of the things that separate me from other girls is that I never really enjoyed shoe shopping. For me, shoe shopping can really be very very frustrating. But don't get me wrong here I like shoes, not as much as I like bags, but I know how to express the right enthusiasm when I see a beautiful pair.

The frustration really comes from the fact that it's very difficult for me to find shoes that would perfectly fit me. I'm a size 9, I have wide feet and I'm working on a budget. Not really a very good combination.

Just yesterday I went out with my sister to go shoe hunting. We've been through a lot of stores and spent practically the whole day searching for the perfect pair but I still went home empty handed. And while I was trying a pair in this one store, the salesman was eyeing my feet as if thinking "it would never fit". And his assessment was actually right. He already gave me a size 9 and it still didn't fit!

It wouldn't really be too much of a burden if I really had more money for shoes. But the thing is I still don't, at least not yet.:P If only local brands would be able to have their sizes more aware of people like me. I mean is it so hard to make sure that they carry sizes 9 and up? Surely, I'm not the only girl with big feet. (Hindi lahat ng tao size 7 noh!)

Anyway, maybe I'll get lucky the next time I shop... :P

confusion to confucius

She's been confused for the most part of her life. She has convinced herself that confusion can never be avoided what with the uncertainties that the world presents.

But then as life made fun of her, tossing her up and down she realizes that her main problem was she never really bothered looking closely. To be honest, she didn't really bother about so many things. She only cared for what she wanted and thought she needed. She's stubborn so she only saw the things that she wanted to see. She didn't really care if she gets hurt in the process of getting the things she wanted. For her it was all part of it.

BUT NOW, I guess, she got tired of all the confusion... of insisting on things that she never gotten hold of. I'd like to think she's wiser now and more gracious in accepting defeats. She now knows when to walk away and when to stick up for something. Confusion crosses her path every now and then, but she already knows how to go around it.

At this point in her life, she'd like to believe that she has figured out the things that she needs to figure out. As for the other things... she believes that the Guy up there is already taking care of it. =)

(Excuse me if I'm talking about myself using third persons. Sometimes it's easier to talk about myself when I think of myself as another person. :P )