short fiction

written December 2010
She’s a girl who has seen too much drama in her life. She grew up with drama and never really parted with it. But unlike others, she did not allow drama to rule her. She pretended that it was not there; convinced others that all was normal. For years, she has done it. She was good at it. Even at the most supposedly devastating moment of her life, she was not moved. Well, actually she was but not just in the way she was supposed to be moved.

She’s in love right now. Well, I think she is. But the guy she’s in love with has changed his mind. ANOTHER DRAMA for her. But then again this too shall pass. She’ll move on. I'm sure she will. There is just no other way. 

Unfinished entry: his sky.

I was browsing through my files when I saw this unfinished entry. I have no plans of finishing this now since I see no point in doing so. I've learned my lesson and that's that. 
____________________

His Sky (May 13, 2009)

I’ve seen the world through his eyes. From his perspective, the world isn’t as difficult to live in as it really is. It’s one of those things that made me admire him. The world was his playground.  He recognizes the rules but those would never stop him from fulfilling his whims. I liked his world very much. It was different from the one that I was used to wherein everything should make sense. I was a very practical person or at least that’s what I try to be. But a great part of me didn’t want to be practical. I didn’t want to makes sense out of everything. A part of me simply wanted to live life as it is, without giving too much thought about things.

His world fascinated me. It was totally what I wanted. I wanted very much to become a part of it.  And for a time I was a part of it. For a time, I shared his world. We were happy. But then I realized that his world isn’t that easy to live in. I realized that the world he has created was simply the same as mine. The only difference is that whenever he is faced with some difficulties he turns a blind eye. He shuts everything that seems to be complicated and turns the other way. Letting fate decide whether he’d go forward or remain where he is.

there are no words for this

They say happiness means being content with what you have. But what do you call the emotion you feel when you finally get that one thing you've always wanted? Surely, that can't be happiness if we go by the definition I just gave. 

I think it's a much stronger feeling than happiness. But I don't think there is a word for it. I doubt that there is a word out there that is actually capable of encapsulating the feeling of being able to realize, at long last, your wannabe dream. Besides, labels are too constricting. Why limit such a profound feeling by words that are incapable of giving full significance to it?

I don't even think I should be wasting my time trying to figure out what this emotion should be called. I don't think that the lack of a word for it would somehow diminish this euphoric feeling within me. I should simply relish this feeling while it lasts.

All I know is, it's definitely NOT JUST A FEELING. It's something else. The best 'something' I've ever felt for the longest time!=)

It's called manning up.

Frank Tupelo: Do you mind me smoking? It's not a real cigarette.
Elise: What?
Frank Tupelo: It's electronic. It delivers the same amount of nicotine but the smoke is water vapor. Yeah, watch.[he takes a few drags of the electronic cigarette and stabs the end on his hand]
Frank Tupelo: LED light.
Elise: That's somewhat disappointing.
Frank Tupelo: Would you rather have me smoking for real?
Elise: I would rather you be a man who did exactly as he pleased.

pang-pelicula

I know I can't do this forever.

So, I might as well go all out now while I still have the heart for it.

all in a day's work

I was not prepared at all for what I have witnessed today. I attended the preliminary investigation of the estafa case that our firm is handling. The office of the prosecutor was quite small so everyone in the room knew exactly what was going on in all of the cases that were called.

The case that was called before ours was for rape. The rape victim was in her teens. The accused was nowhere in sight. From the conversation between prosecutor and the family of the victim, it appeared that the family was no longer interested in pursuing the case. The prosecutor did not look convinced at all. She kept asking questions as to why the victim was desisting from the case. At one point the father of the victim tried to express himself. He said, "Gusto ko po ipaalam ang saloobin ko, ngunit ako po ay nahihirapan." While he was saying this, it was clear that he was trying to fight his emotions. I think the decision to back out was not really his. But then again I am in no position to make such assumptions. The prosecutor tried to address the victim directly. When she asked the girl why they were withdrawing from the case, the girl started sobbing.

At this point, I was already panicking in my head. I did not want to be there to hear the victim's answer 'coz I know that whatever her reason was for backing out would simply break my heart. Maybe she simply wants to suffer in silence. Maybe she and her family were threatened by the accused. Maybe, feeling defeated and hopeless, she saw no point in putting the accused behind bars. I could not really think of any other reason which could somehow paint a happy ending to this tragedy.

When the prosecutor asked her why she was desisting from the case for the second time, the rape victim managed to answer in between sobs, "Kasi po wala sya kasalanan." Wrong answer. The prosecutor got suspicious at this point. With narrowed eyes she asked the victim, "Pano mo nasabi?" She said this with so much force that I was not able to stop my eyes from widening. The prosecutor caught my reaction and realizing how sensitive the case was, she decided that I had seen enough. After collecting herself, the prosecutor looked straight at me and said, "Yung sa'yo Attorney(Yes, I get this all the time these days.=P), for resolution na ha. Hindi dumating yung complainant." And that was my cue to leave the room.

It was only while I was descending the stairs that I realized that, aside from the prosecutor, I was the only stranger there in the room. Because of all that was going on in the room, I failed to notice that all the other cases have been called already and that I was the only one left to witness the drama.

I was actually glad that she made me leave. I really had no wish of finding out why the victim changed her mind about the case. I didn't have the heart for it. The sight of the victim sobbing with her family by her side, all trying to give the appearance of strength when in fact they looked so defeated, was too much for me to handle.

I am supposed to get used to this kind of scenario. But then is it actually possible for someone to get used to this kind of circumstance? I'm willing to bet that the prosecutor herself, despite her years of experience, was taken aback by the decision of the victim. I don't think anyone with a heart would actually be able to simply shrug their shoulders when they hear of something like this.

This is not really something that you could nor should get used to.