When under emotional stress, NEVER make a decision.
The past few days has been torture for me. I felt like my life was hanging by a thread. I was feeling so low that I even considered saying YES to someone out of pure selfishness. Yes, I got to the point where I felt I had to cling on to someone.
I was at my lowest point the other day. My head was playing every bad scenario I could think of. I was with a friend and although she made an effort to comfort me, I still felt terrible. We were on our way to the third floor of the school building when I saw him. Upon seeing him I momentarily forgot about what I was stressing about. Somehow, I thought of him as a breath of fresh air at that time. Well, actually I would not go that far. Let's just say that I was glad I saw him that day, though the spark that my friends kept looking for between us was still not there.
After our brief encounter I tried to figure out what I actually felt for him. While was playing with all the facts in my head, I received a message from him asking me if I wanted to have dinner. I said yes, well not immediately. But that's just because I didn't want him to think that I was too eager to have dinner with him.=P But in my head I was already thinking he is the perfect distraction from all the nega thougts I've been having.
And I was absolutely right! Going out with him that time was the perfect distraction for me. At one point I told him what was troubling me, and like any other rational person he tried to make me feel better. That time I felt like I was "in a relationship" again. I had someone that I could talk to other than my friends. And I'd like to believe that this person really cares for me. I liked the idea too much that if at that time he asked me, I would actually be tempted to say yes. Not because I wanted to be with him in that level. But simply because I wanted to keep that feeling of security that I felt when I was with him while I was feeling terrible. It felt nice. Saying yes to him that time would have been an act of pure selfishness on my side, something which he does not deserve at all.
Will I ever figure out what I really feel for him? Maybe someday but definitely not today.=P
Good thing the emotional torture is already over. Now, I would no longer be tempted to do such a selfish thing. Thank God it's over.
________
P.S.
I'm done with school! Thank you Lord. You have been so good to me. <3>
The past few days has been torture for me. I felt like my life was hanging by a thread. I was feeling so low that I even considered saying YES to someone out of pure selfishness. Yes, I got to the point where I felt I had to cling on to someone.
I was at my lowest point the other day. My head was playing every bad scenario I could think of. I was with a friend and although she made an effort to comfort me, I still felt terrible. We were on our way to the third floor of the school building when I saw him. Upon seeing him I momentarily forgot about what I was stressing about. Somehow, I thought of him as a breath of fresh air at that time. Well, actually I would not go that far. Let's just say that I was glad I saw him that day, though the spark that my friends kept looking for between us was still not there.
After our brief encounter I tried to figure out what I actually felt for him. While was playing with all the facts in my head, I received a message from him asking me if I wanted to have dinner. I said yes, well not immediately. But that's just because I didn't want him to think that I was too eager to have dinner with him.=P But in my head I was already thinking he is the perfect distraction from all the nega thougts I've been having.
And I was absolutely right! Going out with him that time was the perfect distraction for me. At one point I told him what was troubling me, and like any other rational person he tried to make me feel better. That time I felt like I was "in a relationship" again. I had someone that I could talk to other than my friends. And I'd like to believe that this person really cares for me. I liked the idea too much that if at that time he asked me, I would actually be tempted to say yes. Not because I wanted to be with him in that level. But simply because I wanted to keep that feeling of security that I felt when I was with him while I was feeling terrible. It felt nice. Saying yes to him that time would have been an act of pure selfishness on my side, something which he does not deserve at all.
Will I ever figure out what I really feel for him? Maybe someday but definitely not today.=P
Good thing the emotional torture is already over. Now, I would no longer be tempted to do such a selfish thing. Thank God it's over.
________
P.S.
I'm done with school! Thank you Lord. You have been so good to me. <3>
Real proud of you SarS... in everything...finishing law sch on time...and for making a conscious decision about him. I miss u loads.
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