05.01.2007

Happy Endings

Fairy tales usually end their story by having the princess marry the prince. After the grand wedding we never hear from them anymore. 

Did they have kids? Did they remain happy? Or was their happiness short-lived? Was the prince really that charming that the princess fell in love with him instantly? Is the princess that enchanting that the prince decided right then that she’s the woman he’s going to spend the rest of his life with? Did the prince remain faithful to his princess or did he cheat on her with any of the chamber maids? After a few years of being together did the princess ever realize that her prince wasn’t so charming after all? 

         

We never really knew what happened to them. Their marriage was never the end of the story. It was only the beginning of a whole new story. Falling for each other is always the easy part. Staying happy after that is an entirely different matter.

As for me, this is my kind of happy ending:

"I've always had a thing for happy endings; I don't know why. You know the movies where the couple falls in love, gets married, has kids, then fifty or sixty years later, one of them dies, and two or three days later the other one dies. Okay, so that's not a great example of a happy ending. I mean two people are dead. But, for some reason I thought Katie and I would be that couple. Not that we would be dead, I mean, but that we would go on forever."--Ben Jordan (Bruce Willis) 

____________

Romantic teeny bopper. 2007. :P

missing it. badly.

I miss writing. Well, actually it's not the writing part that I miss. I write everyday. I write pleadings, motions, letters to clients and all those formal, legal and boring stuff. What I really miss is writing with my emotions. 

Unfortunately,  I often find myself mentally exhausted after a day's work such that I no longer have the energy to summon my tired and drained out brain cells to formulate coherent sentences that would somehow express what I feel in a tasteful and articulate manner. 

I know this is too drama queen of me. But you have to understand, this is my only hope into believing that I am somehow blessed with the artistic gene. If I would accept the reality that my writing sucks, ako na ang taong walang ka talent talent. So, please. I beg for your indulgence. 

So, what led me to write this particular entry. Well, I was supposed to be finishing up a pleading for tomorrow. But then I remembered the stack of CDs I've been meaning to check last weekend. As between the urgent pleading that I need for tomorrow and my tendency to procrastinate.....need I say more.:P

After entertaining myself with old pictures dating back as far as 2006, I found some word files of blog entries I never bothered posting online. Some of them really surprised me. I mean I was surprised by the emotions contained in some of the entries that it got me thinking, "Talaga??? Naisip ko yon?". Other entries made me think, "Me ganon??".  While other entries are just so plain naive. Kung pwde ko lang batukan sarili ko dati ginawa ko na. Reading my old entries allowed me to take a peek on how my brain worked in the past. And all I can say is ... gaga talaga sya dati pa. 

Kidding aside. I wish I could write more about what is happening now. So that a few years from now, when I, once again, find myself bored with writing legal non sense I could look back at unpublished blog entries dating as far back as today.:) 

ang hindi nakasama. bow.

I was supposed to go on a trip with my friends tomorrow. The trip has long been planned. I already paid for my airfare. I've kept enough money to cover my expenses for the trip. In fact, I could actually splurge a little if I allowed myself. I was ready to take the trip. It was the perfect opportunity for me to destress and have a change of environment even for a few days only. 

Unfortunately, the trip will not happen, at least for me. My friends are still going. And I can only imagine how excited they are tonight while packing their bags for tomorrow. While I, on the other hand, am sitting on my bed in an indian seat position facing the laptop thinking about the trip that I will not be going to. (and it's killing me)

So, why am I not going? 

My simple answer would be, "I choose to be smart and practical." 

But then as I contemplate on how I was able to arrive at such a simple reason for not going, I began to think that my reason for not going is simply a lame justification to free myself of the actual GUILT I am feeling for choosing to cancel my trip. 

You see, as the date of our trip came near, the little devil suddenly appeared  on my shoulder and kept telling me, "You know the money you saved for your trip, you could actually use that to finally buy something you really need." For days, I was tortured by that voice inside my head. 

The little devil made practical sense. My supposed trip would only last for 3 days. After that, I am back to reality. On the other hand, the 'thing' that the devil kept tempting me to buy will last longer than 3 days. Way longer.  

When one is presented with both ideas, a practical person would clearly settle for the latter choice. And I was trying to be THAT person when I made the decision to simply buy the 'thing'. 

But my dilemma did not stop there.  After giving in to the call of practicality, a new idea slowly crept inside my head: I could still afford the trip. It was a win win situation, actually. But to give in to my whim, I had to break my promise to never dip into my savings unless it has become absolutely necessary. You see,  I have set aside this emergency fund for myself. I was bound to feign ignorance of its existence. I told myself that I shall only use the money when I am already as good as a pauper. Obviously, wanderlust is not among the priorities of a pauper. I doubt a pauper would actually care if he is going on a trip or not. With that resolve, I CANCELLED my trip.  I should be happy that my decision is well substantiated. It is completely anchored  on sound and logical arguments. But no matter how practically sound my decision was, I cannot rid myself of the guilt I am feeling for choosing to cancel it. Such that all these arguments now seem to be mere excuses for the wrong decision I have made. 

Yes, I know my decision is what a smart and practical adult would make. However, despite that fact, I cannot stop myself from thinking that, regardless of the practicality of my decision, I made the WRONG CHOICE. Deep within me, I feel that I should not have cancelled my trip. It seemed to be the right decision but my heart never agreed with it. And as between the practical and the dictates of my heart, I know fully well that practicality will never win over my heart. 

What a tragedy I have made for myself. :(

I cannot do anything about it now because it's too late, I cannot just take off from work on such a short notice. Unless, I can come up with a good enough excuse that will convince my bosses to let me take a leave for 3 days starting tomorrow... mag ka sore eyes kaya ulit ako? 

Oh well. At least, I learned a very important lesson: "What may be smart and practical may not be the right choice for you." But I know this already! Why do I keep forgetting this?! Di ba nga, the cliche says, "follow your heart and the rest will follow." #kailanganpabangimemorizeyan?! 

To my seemingly undying negativity.

I'm tired of thinking about you. Yes, YOU. Please stay away from me. Go bother someone else's head.

sarsarita blog

Since friendster closed down I moved my old blog to wordpress just so I could save all of my old posts. In case I actually have readers, you may find my old blog at http://sarsarita.wordpress.com/. (ilusyonada mode: ON) haha

saturdate

When he told me that he'd take me flying, my head's initial reaction was "Marunong kaya talaga sya?" 

It's not because I didn't trust him enough. It's just that I'm not used to seeing him as a pilot. I never had the chance to actually see him fly a plane prior to our day trip. Sure, we talk about things related to his soon-to-be profession but it was all in theory. I never actually got to see him near a plane. Let alone fly one.

He was actually suffering from fever the night before our date. I was already suggesting that we  postpone it to some other day when he feels better already. But since he scheduled his check ride on the same day cancelling was not really an option despite his sickly state.

Thankfully, when we left early in the morning he was feeling a little better. Just to allow him to have some rest before flying, I agreed to drive and traverse the dreadful EDSA. Actually, I was pretty confident that EDSA would not give me trouble that morning. It was early Saturday morning. How could there be traffic in EDSA?? But as if the Highway is mocking me, I found myself head to head with trucks and buses. Well.. okay, for normal drivers, traffic may not have been that bad. But for a bad driver like me, EDSA will always be a nightmare whatever day it is. And so, I drove up to Nlex with full concenration. (despite my proclamation last Tuesday that I will never ever drive up north.) When we stopped by the gasoline station, he took over the driving, which I more than willingly gave up. 

While he drove us, I gave in to the calling of dreamland. When we arrived at his school I was still so sleepy that when he offered to leave me in the car while he finishes some paper work  I simply grumbled  "Uh-huh" in between my snoring.

When he came back to wake me, he was already upbeat and intense.  While he rummaged through his things to get ready, I was debating in my head whether my "inaantok pa ako, mamaya na lang" tactic would work as it usually does. But when I saw how serious he was  I realized that today is not the day that my tactic would work. So, with all the energy I had, I tried to get up and fix myself. 

We were transported by the school's L300 van to the main airport's runway. I did not understand why we needed to go to the main airport but the look of concentration on his face told me that questions would be entertained later.  I was sensing this silent intensity from him.  When I remembered that we were there because he will take me flying, I thought to myself, "Ah dapat lang na mag concentrate sya."

When we got to the runway, I saw the plane that we are to use and the pilot who used it earlier. I was still not asking questions at this point although I was watching him closely as I try to determine whether he is actually up for it considering his state the previous night. 

The first thing that he did upon alighting the van is to approach the caucasian pilot. I heard him ask the pilot, "Which runway did you use to depart?" Or something like that. (I'm sorry. I do not speak pilot language)  I panicked and said a silent prayer when I heard this.

While he was helping the I-dont-know-what-you-call-them  to prep the plane up, I kept thinking "pag nag yaya na kaya ako umuwi magagalit sya sakin?" But of course I didn't say that aloud because if I so much hint on that idea, I'd  forever be "the girl na nagyayang umuwi sa takot". 

And it's a good thing that my fear did not win me over because it's the coolest date I've ever had. It's not everyday that I get to ride a plane with the pilot as my date! But more than anything, I was happy to actually see him fly a plane. When we were younger, he would always tell me how much he wanted to become a pilot. At the time he considered it as merely a dream. Never to become a reality. But look at him now! A few months away from finally becoming a professional pilot. 

I am very happy that I get to see his "Wish ko lang dream" fulfilled.  

_____________________________

My attempt at reviving my blogging.=)

call spade a spade

I could think of plenty of sappy love quotes to describe how our relationship is. But then why bother describing it? It is what it is. The rest of the world can simply make their own assumptions. ;)